23rd Sunday in Ordinary Time
God doesn’t give us “permission” too often, does he? At least that’s the way it feels to many. God “refuses” or “takes away” permission all the time. That seems pretty clear. These are what we call the “don’ts” of faith. We don’t get to steal. We don’t get to kill. We don’t get to covet our neighbor’s things or spouse. We don’t get to dishonor our parents. We don’t get to misuse our sexuality. We don’t get to hate or get even or lie or cause harm to others. And we certainly don’t get to have “other” Gods (including our stubborn thirst for fame or power or riches or other Sunday activities). Yes, there are lots of “permissions” that God simply refuses to give.
And that makes today kind of refreshing. If you weren’t paying attention, let me bring you up to speed. Our First Reading shows God commanding Ezekiel to “warn the wicked”. God goes on to say that if Ezekiel doesn’t do as God asks, he will be held responsible for the evil those people do. And in the Gospel passage from Matthew Jesus tells his disciples to (privately) confront people who have wronged them (and may, by extension, be giving the ok --- or be commanding them --- to point out a person’s misdeeds even if they are directed toward someone else). In other words, the two readings seem to be saying we should sort of “police” the behavior of other people.
Just the permission we were hoping for!
Yet, permissions are tricky things. Really tricky things. You probably know that. Think for a minute of some common situations requiring the giving of “permission”. The time we get our toddler a baby sitter. The time we give our kid permission to sleep over at a friend’s house. The time we let our teenage child take the family car somewhere. The time we give our son or daughter the ok to go to college far from home. The time we give someone the key to our house, or the password to our computer, or our credit card number. The time we give a subordinate at work the combination to the safe or access to the expensive merchandise. The time we sign forms at the hospital for some sort of medical procedure or surgery. The time a spouse or close relative gets their name put on our bank accounts. All things many of us have given permission for. And why are these things “tricky”? Because something can go wrong.
And it’s the same for God. God gives us permission (in certain circumstances) to bring to someone’s attention a problem or fault or pattern of behavior that can be unhealthy (or just plain wrong) and he has no idea whether or not we will use that permission in the way he intends. In other words, it’s not just the “what” that is important. The “how and why” are as important, maybe even more important. And this is where we often mess up.
And so, we sometimes bring a fault to a person’s attention NOT out of true concern, but because we want to hurt them in some way, make them feel overly bad for what they’ve done, or maybe even to make us feel kind of superior. That can never be the goal. Any sort of bringing up of this kind of thing must be done out of love, must be done because we want the best for the person and the people around that person.
Along with the need for having a pure motive for our actions, we must also approach the situation fully aware of our own faults and failings, our own need to be better than we are, our own need to be forgiven. And so, one of the most important things we can bring to such a conversation is a willingness to acknowledge our faults --- not just internally, but to the person we’re talking to. This is especially true if the fault in question is something we are guilty of. Starting the conversation with, “I often struggle with the same thing,” or “I know from experience,” or “I’m probably the last person who should be offering advice on this subject,” can go a long way to having what we say next be better received.
And of course, we should only use this “permission” in serious situations and after careful consideration. This is not a “when in doubt, go ahead” kind of thing. In fact, if we are doubting whether we should bring something to someone’s attention, that might be God telling us, “Not this time. or, Not right now.”
Probably all of us are not too crazy about people pointing out our faults and failings. It really rubs us the wrong way. We can get defensive, or angry, or irritated. Sometimes we want to distance ourselves from that person, wanting to avoid the situation altogether. And that should tell us something.
You see, if others pointing out our wrongdoings is not ok, then the reverse is not ok either. That seems pretty obvious. And so maybe we need to try looking at such encounters in a much different way --- that is, start seeing constructive helpful comments from others as just that --- constructive and done from a place of love --- grace-filled moments that might be God’s way of trying to get us to be the best person we can be.
And only then will we be in a position to reach out in love to others in the hope of helping them be the best they can be too.
I guess we don’t really need God’s permission for that.


